Grading

Undoubtedly my least favorite part of teaching is grading. I can't exactly express why, but I despise it. I also assign a lot of homework. Stupid, I know, but there you have it. I don't hate myself, I just have that disgusting sense of duty or whatever. Students; teaching would be easier without them.

Seriously though, grading seems to permeate my life. Grading papers, grading projects, grading tests, grading designs, grading myself. I do grade myself very often. What kind of job am I doing? How do I treat people? What kind of person am I? Unfortunately for me, I often fail those exams. I tend to be very hard on myself because I think people see the worst in me and never the best, or even the mediocre. This aspect of my personality causes me more stress than anything else. It's not that I place a lot of importance on people's perceptions on me, but rather I so desire to do an outstanding job for others that it often comes up lacking. At least it does in my eyes.

Not so much a cry for help as a realization. I am growing to understand myself more and more. I don't know that that is a good thing, but there it is. I am growing discontent with my position in life. Things are becoming very monotonous. My Mondays are all the same. No difference, no variation. They all run together. I feel like, oddly enough, that is the danger of my profession. So easy to fall into a routine. While I am not opposed to routines in general, I love breaking them. However, the longer to do a routine, the harder it becomes to break it.

I've been at this new job for less than two months and, while it is wonderful in a lot of respects, I feel myself falling into a terrible routine. This is something else I grade myself on. Once again I am failing. I don't think it is this particular job, or this particular place that is causing the problem though. I simply think I'm ready for a big change. It's too bad that there is no chance of big change in the near future. I can see it happening for me in a couple of years, but for now I need to find a way to be content with where I'm at. I need to break my routine. Sometimes things seem out of controll though. I feel out of controll. My life is not my own. It's not God's either. It's been stolen. Who took it? Where'd they go with it?

Anyway, I know this is a bit rambling, but I keep thinking about the grading I need to do. Oh joy!