The Journal

Two summers ago I started a journal.  I don't write in there often, but I do make a point to write in there at least twice a semester (beginning and end).  It's always amazing to me to read what I was thinking, what I was like, and what I was dreaming of a year ago.  Lately I've been really down.  Down on myself, down on my situation, down on myself for putting me in my situation.  The short end of it all was that I was upset about Ph.D. programs, I was feeling stupid compared to other graduate students, and angry with myself for feeling that way.  A couple of nights ago I decided that since the semester was over I needed to write in my journal, it was also a good opportunity to get some of those feelings of angst down on paper.  Before I started writing, I started reading.  Here are just a few clips from what I was like a year ago . . . almost exactly.

7 December 2007

I'm almost done with my first semester of grad school.  That blows my mind.  Today is Friday and next week are finals.  A lot of thoughts go through my mind when I think about the closing of a year, but mostly I stress about grades.  I had really hoped to make straight A's but that's not happening at all.  I am confident that I'll be getting one A and two B's, which is good but I'm scared it's not good enough.  Without being one of the very best I'll never get into a Ph.D. program.  That's a terrifying thought for me.  I feel like I've come too far already not to be able to achieve my end goal.  I will have to give it over to God, plain and simple.  

I got all A's that semester.  It's interesting to explore how my fears have changed.  Then I was just worried about grades to get into a Ph.D. program, but now there's so much more it feels like.  Or is there?  Perhaps my own advice is the best.  I'll just have to give it over to God, plain and simple.

13 December 2007

Today I had my last class of my first semester of grad school.  It has been a particularly good day.  I went to bed at about 2 a.m. and got up at 6 a.m. so I could type my book review.  The class period was enjoyable.  We discussed our successes and our growth and it was fun and encouraging.  It made me think of the Thoreau quote, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined."  That's me right now.  I'm living the life I have imagined.

Cary came over tonight and brought his game cube.  We talked comics and played smash brothers and drank coffee.  At the end of the night we had an encouraging conversation about God.  It was a splendid evening.

Tomorrow Candace and Emily graduate.  It seems very uncanny.  I'm looking forward to it in a strange way.  Should be interesting and fun.  

One semester of grad school down, three to go!

I wonder when I forgot that I was living the life I had imagined?  I can't tell you how much I wish I could remember the specifics of that conversation about God I had with Cary a year ago, though I do very much remember the evening and how splendid it really was.

Grad school has been a funny thing.  I get in a hurry with school.  I'm critical of myself about silly things and then get so worked up about them I feel as though others are critical about me in the same areas.  For example, one of my professors told me that taking some time off from school last time served me well.  From this I got in my head that they did not think I was good enough to get into a Ph.D. program and that taking time off was something only those who couldn't make it did.  Wow.

I'm glad I write in my journal, even if it is only once in a while.  It's so good to be reminded of a time when I was just as confused, but much more easy going and simple about it.  Rock on!

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

Aw snap man! It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. It certainly hasn't been becuase I don't have anything to say, I just haven't had the time, or rather taken the time, to post anything. There's been a lot going on. I've been assitant directing the show Beyond Therapy here, working on classes, visiting Ph.D. programs and just all around trying to keep up. And sometimes failing.

I find I am so easily distracted these days. Just about anything will catch my attention. Especially when it distracts my attention from things I SHOULD be doing. Usually it is a consious choice to avoid doing stuff like that, but now I feel like I suddenly become aware of it when it is too late. Don't get me wrong, there is certainly an element of deciding I'm not going to do it, but it also seems like I have less time these days. Although I think I may have just convinceed myself I have less time.

Have you ever done that? Convinced yourself that you have less time than you actually do? So you run home really fast, cutting short all the work you could be and should be doing, just to get home and sit around thinking, "I'm so busy! What am I supposed to be doing?!" Only to realize, too late, that what you needed to do was back where you just left and now it really is to late to go back and get things done. I have been doing that a lot. I just need to calm down, do my work, and manage my time more realistically. I will get a lot more done and feel a lot better about myself.

Sometimes I worry. I worry that I'm not really good enough at being a grad student to be here, or anywhere for that matter. I don't work hard enough, I don't know enough about theatre, I'm not a good enough writer/speaker/presenter to actually make it anywhere. I really feel like that this semester. I don't feel like a graduate student at all. I attribute some of it to not having any real "graduate" classes this semester. I don't have the demands that I have had in the past. I think, as much as those demands stress me out, I need them to validate my ability. That's sad, I know, but still, there it is. I need a paper to write and a subject to research. Honestly, if it were that big of a deal I could simply write to write, and submit it for publication. But then I run into the whole problem of procrastination that I was just talking about in the last paragraph. What a tangled web we weave.

I'm very anxious to be an achedemic. Yet, it is very obvious to me that I am not one naturally. I don't know the plays, playwrights, dates, and actors that I'm supposed to know. Stuff I've learned, I've already forgtten. I think the comprehensive exams, as stressed as I am about them, will help with that though. Establish the information permanently in my long term memory.

Wow, this turned out to be a long sob session for me. Sorry. In other news, my youth group continues to grow. I had 15 students last week. It was pretty spectacular. God has been conviting me on some pretty important stuff, which is also spectacular. I am subbing more and more, which is very spectacular (money!). So many good things happening. I can't wait to see how things continue to develop. I am so ready for Thanksgiving break. I feel like it has been forever since I've seen my family, even though it hasn't been that very long. Still, it will be nice to go home for a while. Go deer hunting. Maybe cut some wood. Who knows! Wonderful, simple, pleasent. I know it's sad, but sometimes I miss doing that stuff. Especially with other people!

I still miss my friends like crazy. I definately feel very alone sometimes. Not that I don't have friends here, it is just hard to make good Christian friends that have similar interests to me and that want to hang out from time to time.

I visited the University of Maryland. It was pretty awesome. A very nice school with a lot of recources. Not a lot of directing opportunities. A.D. opportunities and dramaturgy opportunities. Not a lot of directing. Pretty nice people for the most part. Nice space. Seems to be a nice program. I did not get to talk to any proffessors while I was there though. None of them seemed to think I was important enough to make a special trip into the school for an hour to talk with. Oh well.

C.U. Boulder was also a nice school. Not a lot of money available, therefore not a lot of directing opportunities. But they were willing to provide them, they just don't have the money. Very nice people. Ok space (an old library building that has been converted). It seems to be a nice program. I did not get to sit in on a class here, but I did get to speak with the Prof. of Graduate Studies, which was super nice. I felt like we had a good discussion and covered many bases. Also, he didn't have class that day either, but was able to make time for me.

Both places would be expensive to live in. I would proabably get full funding from Maryland, if I got accepted, but only partial funding from C.U. Boulder. Money is always an issue, isn't it? So, I will apply to both, as well as Indiana University, and see what happens. I may not get accepted to any school. If that's the case I will teach high school, community college, or maybe even go to England and see if I can't worm my way into the theatre scene there and get some experience. Life is so up in the air right now. Very exciting stuff, I gotta tell ya.

Anyway, that was a lot to type. And a lot more to read I'm sure. I'll update again soon. Rock on!

Hurk!

Here I am. And yet I am constantly questioning where I am supposed to be. I find myself so concered about where my future is going that I forget to live in the present and therefore destroy my plans to prepare for the futrue! I am really stressed out about all of this. And yet, at the same time, this is the easiest semester I've ever had in grad school. Which also weirds me out. I don't spend countless hours in the computer lab pouring over online journals looking for the perfect quote to slip into a paper. Instead I sit and wait to hear from gradschools, contacts, and my bank on if I have enough money. It is very annoying. When I do need the time to do something, it seems like there's always work to get in the way of it. I need the money from work, but I also need the time that work is trying to make me work so that I can work! Ack!

It occured to me the other day that I am essentially working three jobs right now. My youth group, Family Video (though I think I might quit soon and substitute teach instead), and school. It was quite the revelation for me. I always feel like I am so lazy compared to other people and that I just don't do enough, work hard enough, or work long enough. So it was kind of surprising to me to consider that I was kind of working three jobs.

The stuff happening on wall street makes me jittery. There are so many similarities between the present situation and the crash of 1929. Except for the fact that in '29 the government was not buying up the failing banks. I'm not so sure that's a good idea anyway. Actually I'm pretty sure it is a terrible idea. I know it has saved things, but for how long? I don't think it will last, it didn't do anything about the root of the problem. And to tell you the truth, as much as I don't want to have to use the Sears and Roebuck catalogue as bath tissue, there is a part of me that desires a cleansing. Something to wipe the slate clean. I feel like our current society has lost so much of itself. We need something to remind us of who we are, where we come from, and what's important. Once again, I'm not championing a complete crash and starvation, and stuff like that. I don't know. I'm a little fed up with stuff. I miss getting to just sit and drink a cup of coffee and talk, a card game, a walk, raking leaves and jumping in them, picking blackberries, pulling weeds in the garden, and stuff like that.

I'm still doing my dishes every night, and making my bed every morning. It means a lot to me. I don't know why.

Saturday night me and some of the other gradstudents hung out and roasted marshmallows at my house. It was a lot of fun. I love doing stuff like that. I love just sitting around a fire and talking. Just talking, not bashing people, or complaining. Just talking about stuff. Where we're at, and how we're doing. Simple stuff to make a complicated life seem more bearable. Good times. I wish I could do it more often.

I'm a bit discontent. I don't know why. I think it might be because I'm bored too much and way too lonely. Too much time to think. About myself. About my life. Too much thinking and not enough doing. Oh well. It'll work out in the end I'm sure.

My youth group is doing well. I think we are growing and are even starting to make some waves and attract attention. For the first time in a couple years FBC Centerview is making itself known, other than in a bad light. It's kind of exciting. I wish I could claim responsibility but really it is the youth. They are brilliant. I love working with them. They are so dedicated. They just needed a cause to dedicate themselves to. Luckily, God provided that.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Someday I'll do a real post with more than just me whinning. Rock on my friends!

The Fall Montage

So, I am feeling very apprehensive.  I am trying to get around to visiting schools about their Ph.D. programs, write a library paper, study for the GRE, act as T.D. for the Black Box, take classes, work with my youth group, and at least a half dozen other things that I can't remember.  Which is just the problem.  I can't seem to keep everything straight.  I write one thing down to remember it, but then forget four things in its place.  Then new things pop up.  I try to manage my time, but then it just gets away from me.  I've lost a very grounding and encouraging force in my life which makes it hard.  I don't have anyone to bounce ideas and emotions off of anymore.  The undergraduates just don't quite get it (not that I'm saying their stupid, but my problems are very different from their problems) and the other graduate students and I are too different.  I have fun hanging out with both of them, but I need something more than that.  Perhaps that is selfish though.  I suppose I'm just gonna have to man up and do what I've gotta do.

There was a time not long ago that I felt like an adult.  Now I just feel like a kid again.  It is very frustrating to me.  One step forward, two steps back.  Two things keep me going.  My faith and how that ties into my youth group, and the thought of a brighter future.  One with perhaps less recognition than I once dreamt of, but of a simpler and happier life.

I miss the days of my youth when life was just get up, go to work, come home, hang out with my friends and family, and go to bed.  I had time to chill, and chat.  Time to think of things other than of myself and how to propel myself ahead of others.  I taught high schoolers things they didn't know and shared my passion with them.  I have a long way to go before I can do that with college students.  I hope I can make it.

This post would have been better as a journal entry perhaps, but I was sitting in front of my computer, so here it is.  Boy are you guys lucky.  Anyway, Jon, out.

To be honest, I don't have much to say right now.  But I feel like I have much to share.  And that is something indeed.  I am so...I want to say content, but it is far, far beyond contentment.  I am burdened with an abundance of joy so pure that to fully express it would either end with me in an asylum or at the very least in jail over night.  So I choose to express it by listening to music that brings me much ease and to savor it, knowing that no one I pass on the street tonight on my way to the library is feeling what I feel.  I am confident in this because they do not have the friends and family I have.  Furthermore they do not posses the perspective on life that I am privy to.  

I look around and everything I see is a miracle.  An awesome opportunity to live and breath and see.  The crumbiest brick on the dirtiest building holds magic in my life; magic for what is was, for what it has seen, and what it is.  My life is filled with miracles and it overwhelms me.  How fortunate am I to see the sunrise, to experience the waft of fresh air through my house, to smell a pot of coffee brewing just for me in the kitchen, to get to walk through a town along a path oh so familiar now that was once entirely foreign, to sit in a classroom where learning is not fun but merely life and breath and sustenance.  I count myself fortunate because I would challenge you to say that in the last week you have felt as blessed as me, as showered with miracles.

I have also realized, thanks to Dandelion Wine, that my life is too full of nothingness.  Meaningless tasks, made meaningless by my meaningless outlook on life and the eradication of the meaningful tasks in favor of convenience and leisure.  To break the spell of this meaninglessness I decided to begin focusing on old tasks in a new way and to adopt new tasks.  In this vein I have begun doing laundry on every tuesday night, regardless of anything else.  This may not be new to anyone else, but it was certainly new to me.  Also, I began to do my dishes every night.  No matter what.  Once again, perhaps nothing new, but completely foreign to me (remember I don't have a dish washer).  Furthermore I have begun to do my ironing on Saturday afternoons come rain or shine.  All my ironing from the laundry I did the week before.  Finally, I have been making my bed every morning.

 

These small tasks that we have managed to shrink, dilute, and even dispose of, were at first annoyingly painful.  After about three weeks of managing them now though I find joy in doing them.  Not only joy, but fulfillment and meaning.  My closet looks neat from the ironing.  My clothes are put away and neatly stacked in my chested drawers.  My kitchen is clean every morning.  and every evening when I go to bed.  My bed room is no longer flooded with two weeks of dirty laundry.  I wear what I want when I want with out panic of, "oh no!  It's dirty!"  I crawl into a nice neat bed every night.

It may not seem like much, but it has really changed my life.  I look for new things to do everyday as well.  Just to fill up the empty space where I normally insert t.v.  I think I'll also start to sweep every night.  Just one more small thing that allows me to think without thinking of only myself.  It is very liberating.  I strongly encourage everyone to do it.  

Anyway.  I suppose I'm done.  Just some sensations I needed to pass on tonight.  Take it easy!

I am currently reading a book by Ray Bradbury called Dandelion Wine.  It is one of the most poetic books I have ever read.  Absolutely beautiful, it brings wonder back into the world.  The best thing for me to do for everyone would be to just copy the entire book on here to you could read it, but seeing as that is ridiculous you should just read the short post I am including here and check it out at the library and read it for yourself.  This is definitely a summer book though, so hurry up and get started!

"That's the trouble with your generation," said Grandpa.  "Bill, I'm ashamed of you, you a newspaperman.  All the things in life that were put here to savor, you eliminate.  Save time, save work, you say."  He nudged the grass trays disrespectfully.  "Bill, when you're my age, you'll find out it's the little savors and the little things that count more than big ones.  A walk on a spring morning is better than an eighty-mile ride in a hopped-up car, you know why?  Because it's full of flavors, full of a lot of things growing.  You've time to seek and find.  I know--you're after the broad effect now, and I suppose that's fit and proper.  But for a young man working on a newspaper, you got to look for grapes as well as watermelons.  You greatly admire skeletons and I like fingerprints; well and good.  Right now such things are bothersome to you, and I wonder if it isn't because you've never learned to use them.  If you had your way you'd pass a law to abolish all the little jobs, the little things.  But then you'd leave yourselves nothing to do between the bit jobs and you'd have a devil of a time thinking up things to do so you wouldn't go crazy.  Instead of that, why not let nature show you a few things  Cutting grass and pulling weeds can be a way of life, son."

Bill Forrester was smiling quietly at him.

"I know," said Grandpa, "I talk too much."

"There's no one I'd rather hear."

"Lecture continued, then.  Lilacs on a bush are better than orchids.  And dandelions and devil grass are better!  Why?  Because they bend you over and turn you away from all the people and the town for a little while and sweat you and get you down where you remember you got a nose again.  And when you're all to yourself that way, you're really yourself for a little while; you get to thinking things through, alone.  Gardening is the handiest excuse for  being a philosopher.  Nobody guesses, nobody accuses, nobody knows, but there you are, plato in the peonies, Socrates force-growing his own hemlock.  A man toting a sack of blood manure across his lawn is kin to Atlas letting the world spin easy on his shoulder.  As Samuel Spaulding, Esquire, once said, 'Dig in the earth, delve in the soul.'  Spin those mower blades, Bill, and walk in the spray of the Fountain of Youth.  End of lecture.  Besides, a mess of dandelion greens is good eating once in a while.

Heritage

Last week Friday, my Mom, Dad, sister Michelle, and I drove to Hardin, Il. where my great great great grandfather on my mother's side owned an apple orchard at the turn of the century.  Alexis Mottaz (pronounced Motaw) was a very successful apple farmer being the first to introduce the Jonathan Apple to Illinois and winning a silver medal for his apples at the 1904 worlds fair in St. Louis.  We set out with very little information.  All we knew was that the orchard was in a little town on the Illinois River called Hardin and that behind the house there was a hill called Sugarloaf (so named because of its conical shape).  This is the picture of the original orchard we had to go on.

 

This picture has hung in my grandmother's 

home for as long as I can remember.  Sugarloaf is the hill in the background.  At one time is was completely covered in apple trees.  It quickly became the stuff of legends.  You see, the orchard was enormously successful and the Mottazs were very wealthy.  However, my great great grandmother Elizabeth Mottaz married Charles Sagez (pronounced Sa G) and was virtually disowned by the family, Nevada married a steamboat captain and never had children, Sophie had a child out of wedlock, refused the marry the poor father despite his begging (cause she didn't want her children to be raised like Lizzie's kids) and died of tuberculosis just a few years later, George had a daughter but because he stole the premiums he collected in his insurance job the police came to arrest him.  He asked if he could put on a clean shirt, went upstairs in his house and shot himself.  Emma was engaged to be married, but one of her sisters told her he was cheating on her, so she broke it off and died an old maid.  Alexis took to drink, and a combination of spoiling his sons George and Frances, and getting drunk, loaning out money, and forgetting who he loaned it to caused his immense fortune to disappear.  Really rather tragic.  The orchard passed from the hands of the Mottaz's into whose we did not know.

After a little sleuthing in Hardin we discovered where the farm would have been.  Was the house still there?  Did they bulldoze Sugarloaf to make room for a subdivision?  Were there still apples there?  Was it still a working orchard?  Questions ran wildly through our heads.  The driveway was extremely long and narrow.  We passed several houses along the way each one inspiring more questions about what had become of the orchard.  Suddenly we came upon a large red barn, infront of which was this stone: 

Sugarloaf Farm!  Why, that's the name of the hill behind the house!  Is it still there?  Est. in 1940 though? The Orchard was there long before 1940.  What has changed?  What's the same?  Anything.  We drove slowly up the hill, not knowing who or what to expect.  As we came around a curve there was a sign that said, "Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be shot again."  Hm, how serious are they about that sign?  As we passed the sign, something else came into view, something amazing and, honestly, rather unexpected.  None of us could hardly believe our eyes.

There it was.  The old house almost exactly as it looked in the old picture grandma had.  Still very stately.  With a few modern convieniences of course and some update to the structure, but my gosh still there.  Standing, clean, well cared for.  It was in this house that my great great grandmother was born and raised.  My grandmother came here as a child to go on a picnic on Sugarloaf.  A fortune was made and lost inside these walls.  The very shape, the course of my upbringing was formulated here.  Many people say I seem like I'm from a generation behind.  This is not surprising as my grandmother was raised by my great great grandmother, Elizabeth Mottaz Sagez.  Elizabeth was raised very Victorian, and therefore so was my grandmother.  A generation behind.  Thus my mother was raised a generation behind, as was I.  I say this simply to note the importance placed on this house.  It is very much where my family sees it's birth.  Next to the house we saw the barn, decrepit, leaning, and ugly, but still there!

We looked at the barn, knocked on the door of the house and waited.  Where was Sugarloaf?  The trees are much bigger now than they were in the picture, obscuring our view.  Where are the apple trees?  Will the new owners let us look around?  Will they let us taste an apple?  Will they let us take home some apple seeds to grow our own trees?  They have taken good care of the home, the barn is still standing at least.  No answer at the door.  We must get in touch with these people, we can't go roaming around without permission.  A chocolate lab runs up to greet us.  He has a tag with a name, Woefel, and a number.  We have no reception out here in the middle of nowhere, so we head back into town to ask at the sheriff's office about the Woefels. 

 Upon stepping into the office, and kind old officer asks us to sit down and let him help us.  We tell him our names, what we are doing there, and who we are trying to contact.  "Do you know the Woefels?"  "Who?  Bernnie!  Well yes!  He's my cousin!"  He quickly puts in a few phone calls, and within minutes we are standing face to face with Bernnie Woefel, the man who now owns our beloved orchard.  We tell him who we are, and what we are doing there.  The first question he asks is, "Do you know why it's called Sugarloaf?"

After a wonderful meal in Hardin we drive back to the Woefel's farm.  Mr. Woefel is extremely kind and offers to drive us to the top of Sugarloaf.  It is still there.  We are all a little torn.  We had hoped to walk to the top of Sugarloaf, but we did not want to offend the kind gentleman, so we graciously accept the ride.  As we come around the old barn Sugarloaf looms into view.

How Brilliant!  A cluster of trees sitting right on top hiding it's wonderful summit that come to a sharp point.  If only we could have traversed it on foot.  However, as the truck climbs the hill, we soon realize that this is far more than just a rise in the land.  This is a huge hill, a regular mountain.  Thank goodness we drove!  No wonder the Mottazs felt it deserved a special name.  Aside from providing the perfect place to grow apple trees it was a unique hill and commanded a fantastic view of the entire countryside.  Standing on top I felt like a king, a nobleman surveying his lands.  This is the pride that the Mottazs felt in their ownership of this land.

The view of this land.  Right here the apple trees would have grown.  The last that were remaining.  No longer.  Washington State stealing the apple business along with the death of the river trade killed the orchard business in Hardin.  Apple trees were no longer a blessing, but a curse for those farmers who were trying to etch out a living raising cattle.  Therefore the last of the trees had been bulldozed under just three years ago.  If only we had made this trip a little sooner.  But that is life, and we settle and we accept the things we cannot change.  How grateful we are for the opportunity just to stand where our ancestors once stood proud.

I will end my little tale of our adventure here.  There is not much more to tell, and certainly no more room to tell it.  If you find the story interesting, just wait a little bit.  My mother is attempting to organize a biographical book about the Mottazs and the Sagezs.  If she indeed completes it, what a story it will tell.  Rock on!

Common Sense Economics

Ok, so as soon as I can get blogger to let me download pictures on here, I have some fun posts to do.  Otherwise you're all stuck with posts like this.  Just some more of my thoughts.  Rock on!

Economically speaking, things get pretty complicated.  So complicated, in fact, that I think we have completely lost the thread of things.  The fact of supply and demand is simple enough.  However, beyond this concept many people are lost or choose not to think about it.  I think that this lack of interest and desire for ignorance has become a major detriment to our society.  Consider for a moment the distribution of wealth.  It stands to reason that we all must have money.  It is a necessity to live.  That being said it is indisputable that there is not enough money to go around, thus the unemployment, homeless, and starving right here in our nation, in our states, in our cities, and in our towns.  What is the problem?  One reason, and I just assert that this is one reason, may be that much of the wealth is being held by the few.  

With the industrial revolution many things became possible.  Mass production, increased supply for the increased demand.  Also unemployment.  Machines were now able to do the jobs that men and women once had to do.  A simple solution was just to change professions, but as time went on more and more jobs were cut and given over to machines and computers.  It therefore became the owners of these machines that benefitted monetarily from these machines and not the masses, even though we were told that it was better because now a shirt only costs ten dollars instead of fifteen.  For five dollars we sold our ability to make a decent living because we thought we were better off.  Now we face a thing which has never happened before.  The goods Americans buy are now less expensive than ever and yet we find we cannot afford them without putting it on the credit card. 

This increased use of credit, this need to buy the things we want, and the unequal distribution of wealth has caused a terrible thing to happen.  Americans are now making less than any previous generation due to inflation.  What has gone wrong?  Inflation is supposed to match the increasing value of the dollar, and yet, now, it has far outstripped it.  I certainly am not calling for a leveling, or a socialistic rebelion.  That would be complete madness.  Rather, I am just saying that perhaps it is time we pay a little more so that, in the long run, we can afford a little more.  We have to give a little to get a little.  

The presidents of these corporations have every right to the wealth they have earned.  But nothing above that.  There was one situation I was familiar with where the plant manager of a printing company, the spine of a small towns industry, received a $200,000 Christmas bonus while the workers only received a five cent raise that year.  The problem here is not just the bonus, but rather the fact that if that was the bonus, how much more was that man making just for himself?  And how much more were the actual owners of the company making?  Perhaps this is a bad example.  A hundred years ago, my family owned an apple orchard in Illinois.  This orchard earned them a very good living and the family was very well off.  However, the family also provided jobs for many of the people in the community.  The bare hands of human beings was needed to pick these apples.  The apple pickers were paid a fair wage for a fair days work and my great great grandfather helped feed several families with his need for willing workers.  These men were far better off having this job than losing it to a machine that did it for them.  Yes, perhaps this raised the price of apples.  But there were at least one group of men who could afford to buy them, the same group that had picked them.

When Henry Ford first began to mass produce the Model T he needed a large number of workers.  He was mass producing a car before robots were around to do the work of men.  He further paid his employees enough and set the price of the Model T at a point which his workers were able to purchase a Model T.  Rather than lose money Henry Ford made a fortune, he made affordable cars, and paid his employees a wage anyone would have been proud of.  Just a few years later Ford was able to drop the price of the Model T several hundred dollars without lowering (but rather raising) the wage of the worker.  Once again, Ford never lost a dollar in this, but rather gained because he provided jobs for many and paid them the wage they needed to purchase the product. 

This is what I am saying.  We need to be willing to pay a little more for our products so that more people can be employed and fewer machines and robots.  Level out this distribution of wealth and a drastic difference in the economy will be noticed and it will not be ignored.  Stands to reason.  Pump a little into the economy, and there will be a return.  No denying that.  Just think about it. 

Nancy Drew, I love you!

I just finished watching the new Nancy Drew movie (I know it’s a kids movie, but why do I always learn my most valuable life lessons from kid’s movies?).  It was everything Nancy Drew should be, with a mystery, excitement, danger, and 50’s clothing.  What struck me most about this movie, and I would venture to say what struck most people, though was the fact that no matter what, Nancy always does the right thing.  We tend to watch movies like that and brush off the warm fuzzy feeling we get when Nancy sets the world right as just that, a feeling.  I would like to contend that it is much more than just a feeling.  It is a desire that we, as a culture, have buried so deep beneath excuses, despair, and apathy (and dare I say laziness?) that we have forgotten what it was entirely.  

I find myself constantly making excuses for not doing what’s right.  “It won’t benefit that person, it will only cause trouble, I need the money, they’ll get over it, it’s actually funny”.  On and on.  And to my shame, most of the time it is that last excuse, the weakest of them all.  Time after time, everyday we are presented with situations where we are asked to, no, where we need to do the right thing.  It is time that we dare stand up like the strong people we are and do the right thing.  It is a quality we admire so much on film and in story books, but then seem to despise in real life.  Shame on you.

Let me be the one to tell you, because I realize how often I do it myself, your excuses are worthless, petty, and a disgrace.  They are not amusing nor do they benefit anyone alive, except perhaps yourself.  We need to make a conscious effort to stop this!  It is a disease that has plagued us for so long that outside of stories we refuse to even recognize what the right thing is!  However, thanks to stories, and a deep down, inherent knowledge we know exactly what the right thing is, all we need to do is throw out the self benefitting excuse and do it.

Taking the wrong change is wrong, lying is wrong, stealing (no matter how small or from whom) is wrong, driving faster than the posted speed limit is wrong (even though everyone does it), cheating (whether it be on a test, on homework, or on your wife) is wrong.  When will we realize this and live up to the potential that we are born with?  Nancy Drew is a child’s story, why is it children are so much more intelligent than we are that they can recognize these things?

I feel like I could cry at my inability to communicate the importance of this and how deep the disease runs.  Next time you watch a children’s movie or read a story book, examine yourself against the heros and heroines in the tale.  Note how many times they do the right thing when you would have done the easy, or self serving thing.  Please, this is important.  Do not be deceived by our culture.  The only difference between real life and a storybook ending are the choices we make regarding the right thing.  Most stories do not end with a prince and a castle, but rather a true friend, a strong passion, and an ability to always do the right thing.  Thank you Nancy Drew for reminding us that not only is doing the right thing possible, but it is necessary.

Side Tracked

It annoys me. Today, I am on Amtrak, somewhere between Sedalia and Jefferson City. Naturally the train was about 35 minutes late getting to Warrensburg. Being an old hat at riding Amtrak, this did not surprise or upset me in the least. Upon exiting Sedalia we came to a stop. Here we had to wait no more than 20 minutes for a broken down freight train to fix itself and pass. From the moment the announcement was made, all I heard on board was complaints, angry comments, and ridiculous expectations. What is wrong with people? We have a lovely view out the windows, we are in an air conditioned car with a fully stocked snack car. The people on this train are given the opportunity to slow down. To talk to their friends and family, read a book, play a game, or just enjoy the stillness of the moment. Instead they crowd the rail car with their frustration and exasperation. Even other people who have ridden this train criticize. It is very unbecoming, and disagreeable. Why can’t we enjoy the moments we are given. Opportunities missed. Next time you find your flight delayed or something like that, let me encourage you to use the time for the better. Complaints and whining accomplish nothing, no matter how vocal you are or how loud you express them. Think of moments such as these as gifts of time, not as curses.


Two hours later, and pulled over yet again. I’m putting up with the same complaints. Absolutely tired of it, to the point of screaming at them to shut up and be happy with what they have. I decide to put my headphones in and listen to music. It pours over me like a water fall, washing away all my ill feelings, blotting out everyone’s complaints and meaningless banter, and leaves a haven. I feel comfortable and safe once again. And it occurs to me, yet again, that this is part of my adventure. It is just one step toward the goal, whatever that may be, one more part of the trail toward the treasure. Complaints in situations like this show nothing but weakness and lack of courage. Here it occurs to me the importance of courage, real courage. I was watching The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers the other day. In the extended directors cut there is a section that particular touched me. Aragorn and the girl from Rohan are speaking about fear before they leave for Helmsdeep.

“What do you fear?”
“A cage. To stay behind bars until youths and old age accept them, and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.”


I think the most important part of this quotation is the part about valor. Just as important as freedom and liberty is a sense of honor and valor. Without honor and valor, freedom and liberty will soon be lost. Once these qualities are lost, freedom and liberty will be beyond reach.

It is important for us to be brave. I do not mean simply being brave in every day life either. It is brave to go to work everyday, to not let your children see your struggles, to cut back so that you may share with others. But I am not talking about common bravery, I am talking about valor. We must show true valor, extreme bravery, everyday. The kind of bravery that keeps men going when they haven’t eaten in a week, slept in three days, and have a battle, a true physically, emotionally, and spiritually taxing battle to fight the next day. The kind of battle where one’s life is at stake. This should be our attitude everyday in all that we do. Not some cheesy “Love is a battle field” sort of attitude, but one of valor and honor.

We wonder where the days of old have gone. What ever happened to chivalry and a “code”? In short, we let a few handle the job, when it should be the many. Be honorable, be courageous, and show valor to your co-workers, your boss, your wife, your friends, and those you meet in Wal-Mart or on the street. It is not so hard, it is within each of us. But it is hard to find under the layers of fear and self importance we have caked over the top. Dig deep, and polish it, and let is shine.

It is clear to me the lack of courage and valor as I listen to the passengers on this train. They are not concerned with the engineers on the freight train, the conductors on this one, or even the passengers on the other Amtrak train headed in the opposite direction that is being held up by the same freight train. They are only concerned about themselves and getting themselves home where they can gorge themselves on fatty food and play video games.

Did you happen to note the number of times I said, “themselves” in that last paragraph. Awful, isn’t it. We’ve even come so far as to start justifying those feelings. It is ok to want to get home, but at what cost? I desire to get home as well, it has been a while since I’ve seen my family, and yet I know that there are others on this train, on the other Amtrak train, not to mention the conductors and engineers (who may not have seen their families for much longer than any of us) that are also being delayed. They are my first thought (aside from being annoyed with everyone’s complaining).

I’ve had the blessing to watch a fiery, red sunset in the horizon over a freshly mowed wheat field, listen to some brilliant music, write some of my thoughts, read a wonderful book, and just reflect in general during this time where there world is not rushing by in a blur, but rather standing perfectly still for me to observe closely and lovingly.

Blech

I have just a few rambling thoughts today.  I'm sitting in the school library getting ready to read and write for a book report.  Nothing too big, just two pages.  Easy.  I do the normal routine of checking my email, facebook, my blog, etc.  Life goes on swimmingly.

Just a couple of things.  My two best friends in Warrensburg just recently moved away, far, far away.  This leaves me wondering what to do in the evenings or on days off.  I have the rest of the summer with no prospects of anyone to hang out with.  Granted, I will probably go home sometime and spend a little time with my family, maybe go visit my sister, perhaps my friend Bret, but it's just not the same as having someone here to do spur of the moment stuff with.  Plus, gas is so darn expensive it's hard to make any kind of a trip.  

So, I rent movies from the library, do youth group and Sunday School, work, and do homework.  I'm a little sick and tired of it all ready, but whatcha gonna do?  Perhaps tonight I'll go fishing.  I don't really have anyway of cleaning the fish, but oh well, that's what catch and release is for, right?  It would be nice just to go anyway.  Maybe I'll go to Country Kitchen and have a pot of coffee and write or something like that.  I have plenty I need to write.  

Next thing.  I am very political on here, it's very true.  Sorry for those of you who hate it.  I discover that sometimes I hate it too.  Like when people quote NPR like it's the most honest news source ever.  Or when someone complains about the War in Iraq like they are there and have talked to the Iraqi congress.  I also get very tired of people pointing out that the U.S. is not the greatest country in the world.  Got it.  We agree.  Nor is it the worst, or even the second best, but right on plane with a lot of other countries and (dare I say it?) better than many more!  In very few countries would you be able to complain about that country openly and without fear of reprimand or punishment.  Do we support the U.S.A. because it's the U.S.A.?  No, support what it stands for.  The Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence, and the preamble (Sing with me!  "We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility. . ." School House Rock anyone?) form a foundation of what we have come to call the U.S.A.  Is it true that we are letting some of our freedoms slip away?  Yes.  But whose fault is this?  I'm sorry, I know how much we all love to hate President Bush and politicians, but seriously it is our fault, quit whining and do something about it.

Ok, I seriously was not going to make this a political thing again.  Sorry.  I suppose I don't view this stuff as politics though.  Many times these are basic Christian beliefs, pure human rights, not something given to us by a human king, president, or congressional body.  Whether you vote or not I think these things affect you every day.  

In other news, I'm broke.  Other things that are broke:  My watch band.  And I can't afford a new one.  Ack.  It's a brilliant time here in the Burg.  Rock on everyone!

The Great Dictator

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor, that’s not my business.  I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone.  I should like to help everyone if possible.  Jew, Gentile, black man, white.  We all want to help one another.  Human beings are like that.  We want to live by each other’s happiness, not each others misery.  We don’t want to hate and despise one another.  In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone, a way of life can be free and beautiful.  But we have lost the way.  Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and blood shed.  We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in.  Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.  Our knowledge has left us cynical and our cleverness hard and unkind.  We think too much and feel too little.  More than machinery we need humanity.  More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.  Without these qualities life will be violent and all will be lost.  The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together.  The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men.  Cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all.  Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world.  Millions of despairing men, women and little children.  Victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.  For those who can hear me I say, do not despair.  The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed.  The bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.  The hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people will return to the people.  And so long as men die, liberty will never parish. 

Soldiers, don’t give yourselves to brutes; men who despise you and enslave you.  Who regiment your lives; tell you what to do, what to think, or what to feel.  Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle and use you as cannon fodder!  Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men.  Machine men with machine minds and machine hearts.  You are not machines, you are not cattle!  You are men!  You have the love of humanity in your hearts.  You don’t hate.  Only the unloved hate.  The unloved and the unnatural.  Soldiers, don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty!  In the 17th chapter of St. Luke it is written, “the kingdom of God is within man.”  Not one man nor a group of men, but in all men!  In you!  You the people have the power.  The power to create machines, the power to create happiness.  You the people have the power to make this life free and beautiful.  To make this life a wonderful adventure.  Then in the name of democracy let us use that power.  Let us all unite!  Let us fight for a new world.  A decent world.  That would give men a chance to work.  That would give you the future, and old age a security.  By the promise of these things brutes have risen to power!  But they lie, they do not fulfill their promise.  They never will.  Dictators free themselves, but they enslave the people.  Now, let us fight to fulfill that promise.  Let us fight to free the world!  To do away with national barriers.  To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance.  Let us fight for a world of reason.  A world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.  Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dicatator 1940.

I’m willing to bet that until you read exactly who wrote this, you thought it was me and my ideas.  All of this just goes to show that the life we lead is not better than the one of fear and desperation during World War II.  Except one crucial difference.  The war is long over.  So what are we afraid of?  Why do these words strike me so much?  I assert that it is because we live in a world of dictators.  People telling us what to do what to think and what to feel.  They treat us like machinery and cattle.  How often have we heard promises of jobs, a future, and security in old age during the presidential campaigns?  It says it right here.  Go ahead and sell your liberty to those candidates that would say these things.  But I tell you they lie.  They will free themselves, but enslave us.  Only we have the power to defend democracy, true democracy based in liberty, not politicians.  I’m not trying to tell you not to vote, I’m just saying there are other options.  Stand up for liberty, stand up for democracy, don’t let the democrats and republicans tell you how to vote and steal your freedom one broken promise at a time.  It’s your responsibility, your place to fulfill those promises, not theirs.  Vote, please for the love of God vote, that is your responsibility, but vote your own convictions, your own beliefs!  Not McCain’s or Obama’s.  It is time we rise up, start a grass roots campaign for someone We the People chose to run for president instead of two separate groups of corrupt and uncaring machine men.  We will still have different candidates.  So what will the difference be?  All the difference in the world!  When was the last time you voted for someone you truly believed in?  I’m not even asking for someone I can put all my faith in, just someone that puts all their faith in me.  Well, I guess I’ve said it.  To go on would only be rambling.  If you have questions about this, ask me.  I’d be more than happy to share my views with you.  I certainly won’t shove them down your throat, but I am passionate about it, so be prepared.  Just think about it.  Think about Chaplin’s words from nearly 70 years ago and how they apply to us, on a grander scale than just the homeless and starving, the war in Iraq, and the fuel shortage (though I in no way intend to down play these, they are merely parts of the whole).

Burns Like Liberty

When I was young, it was my perception that if my mind was open to everything I would be subject to anything.  With experiences all my own now, I realize that this is never true.  It is my belief beyond any doubt that the only way not to be subject to anything is to be open to everything.  It is only in this that our minds can create vital questions about who we are, what we believe, and where we are going.

Any thought that has not been exposed to the complete vastness of the world is certainly frail, weak, dependent upon your protection, and therefore not worth having.  Ideas, thoughts, and beliefs are what truly lives within us.  With out them, we are dead, both inside and out.  It is imperative for these ideas, thoughts, and beliefs to be able to stand all by themselves.  They need to be tested, tried, and examined, otherwise any effort will tear them to shreds.  Something as important as a life, which you will remember is wrapped up in our ideas, thoughts, and beliefs, can not be trusted to the strength that lies within our own minds.  Alone, the human mind is weak, feeble.  The strength of the mind, of the soul, is found in a life that is open to everything.  Willing to experience everything, question everything and then hold on to the good and discard that which would merely clutter, and restrict the growth of true ideas, thoughts, and beliefs.

Is all of this to say that we should believe everything we are told by others?  Certainly not!  This defeats the entire purpose.  Nor are we to hold onto only what we desire to believe.  Keeping an open mind allows a clash.  From this battle there can only be one victor.  The result is often not pretty, but in time it will take shape and gain definition.  It is not easy to welcome a battle in our lives.  We are taught to avoid fights and confrontation.  We are told that to challenge is too aggressive, and the last thing you want to be is the aggressor in a fight.  I take this opportunity to say that we are in a battle right here and right now!  Our very existence is a revolution, you are in the midst of it.  Take up you arms and go boldly into the fray.  “This is a revolution, damnit!  We’re going to have to offend somebody!” (John Adams from the musical 1776).  This is an inner battle I refer to, not some pointless war where innocent blood is spilt.  Do not focus on proving others wrong, this fight is a fight to prove yourself right only to yourself.  This battle is not fought between human beings, but between concepts, dogmas, and knowledge.

An open mind does not reject until it has weighed, it will not force a life onto the one who possesses it or on those around it.  An open mind is completely aware of what it believes, though new information may become available an open mind is always founded on reason, assurance, and confidence.  Finally, an open mind does not accept because everyone else does. . .nor does it accept because no one else does.  Life is your own.  If, after everything has been weighed, it is in sync with those around you rejoice for your companionship, and if it is different than anyone in the world dance because you are about to start something new.  If you lack any of this, then your ideas, thoughts, and beliefs are weak and you are barely alive.  It is time for everyone to reevaluate where their lives stand, what they have and what they lack.  The only road to this point is an open mind.  After that we must focus on our beliefs, our unselfish, and strong beliefs, ideas, thoughts. . .Life.

Modesty, Morals, and Horse Crap.

This was my response to a discussion question for my summer course on Dramatic Theory and Criticism.  The question was, "Is there a place for morality in art, most specifically on the stage? If so, who should judge what is and is not morally acceptable? If not, how do we separate pornography from art? Is there a difference?"  It was a very difficult question because I simply am not sure where the answer lies.  What I've written is basically stream of thought.  I tried to be as fair as possible and yet establish a foundation for my beliefs.  No reason for posting on here other than to just share my thoughts and maybe get some of yours.  Rock on!

I cannot help but feel that there is a level of morality that must be represented in art. The question, then, that causes me pain is my justification in this argument. I could certainly cleve to my religious beliefs to support this claim, but that is in no way fair to those who do not adhere to my set of convictions. Likewise I am drawn to the statement that I know pornography when I see it. Once again, not a very strong argument.

If art is, as I stated in the previous discussion, a matter of the artist's purpose and selflessness then perhaps this is where art's moral compass should lie. I even see failure in this however. One could feel passionately about child pornography, and send it to be seen by the multitudes in a selfless way and yet, I think, it would be fair to say that everyone would agree that this is not art and is, in fact, reprehensible in every way.

I think, perhaps, if we look to fulfill what I believe are the three purposes of theatre there might be a mode of defining art, specifically theatre. Theatre, in all cases, should entertain, educate, and enlighten it's audience. Buy stating that theatre should always posses all three of these qualities there is a certain criteria that must be attained. What we would call pornography in this culture does not fulfill all three of these qualities. Although it could be argued that it entertains and even, to a degree, can educate it does not enlighten and is therefore not theatre.

This, as anything in this world, is not perfect. I would then add onto this a need for theatre to be purposeful and meaningful. That is to say that a plays plot, language, spectacle, music, character, and thought should always have a purpose and a meaning and serve the overall intent of the play. Therefore a character, such as a devout priest, would not curse in a play because it would not be in his character and would not serve the plot, but rather hinder it. If this character were to curse there would need to be a specific and clear purpose for it, and then it must be meaningful both to the character as well as the plot. Everything in a play must follow this notion, otherwise incosistancies and a complete loss of message and purpose will be suffered.

Other than these vague concepts I am afraid all I can justify my views with is what I feel is an internal, human right and feeling about what is right and what is wrong. Though what murder is may be argued, there is no question in anyone's mind that murder is wrong. Likewise, along the same lines and as I said earlier, there is a base knowledge in everyone that child pornography is the worst kind of moral infraction. I hope I have been able to share my thoughts and beliefs in a fair and understandable way. Feel free to comment and question as I'm not sure about any of this myself.

Belief?

We live in an age of contradiction.  However, take comfort in knowing that this does not set us apart from our ancestors.  Every age is an age of contradiction.  Every generation seeks peace, but finds war, desires food and plenty but finds starvation and poverty, seeks hope but finds gloom.  The question we put to ourselves everyday is why?  What for?  Where?  How?  I firmly assert that the answer to these questions are within us; a part of us.

When I walk into a Barnes and Noble or Borders book sellers I see books falling off the shelves.  Books on every subject.  The building simply bubbles with energy and excitement that each of these books create.  Despite this electric atmosphere, that feeling disappears the moment I step out of the door.  Why?  Why have we as a nation, as a culture, as a people, and as a race become so apathetic?  

Every United States Presidential election comes with promises of change.  Different taxes, laws, health care, etc.  I boldly put forth this concept:  That it is these promises that are creating this very sense of apathy.  In fact I would contend that it is not even a case of apathy that we suffer from, but rather a case of brainwashing.  Now, up until this point I hope you thought that this was going to be a sensical, serious work.  Do not let the term brainwash scare you though, I do not mean in a conspiratory sense.  For years now the people of this nation have allowed Presidents, Congressmen,  political machines, and lobbyists to tell us what to think.  They stand behind pulpits and proclaim to us what the issues are.  As time progresses for me, I have come to realize that their issues have never been my issues.  

Though historians argue that the founding fathers believed that only the higher class, educated should vote I cannot help but get a sense of complete liberty from the bill of rights.  The Bill of Rights, the first ten amendments to the American Constitution, was developed on a belief that alone the Constitution gave too much power to the Federal Government, enabling it to commit the same sins that were rebelled against just a few years earlier.  These amendments guarantee our rights, that is our abilities and therefore our duties, to speak, believe, think, and do whatever we want.  Perfect, right?

There is one small point that is often overlooked in all of this.  That one point, that one term that is so key to everything the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution are built on is that we are required to think of others before ourselves.  Yes, believe and say what you want, but do not impose on or strip away 

the rights of others.  That is a rather tall order, and contradictory to what we have been brought up to believe.  But that one concept of selflessness is bigger than anyone and is the most important of our rights and responsibilities.

The fact, then, that we must face is how to live up to that.  There is no book on this subject.  You will not find a course of action in a job, a lifestyle, or even a religion alone.  There must first come a belief.  When I use the term belief I am referring to a base sense of something.  I once asked a class of eight graders what they believed in.  I received answers from God to aliens to jello.  However, these answers were too vague.  I asked one or two of them to define what is it about God that you believe in?  What is it about aliens that gets you going?  What qualities does jello posses that triggers your reaction?  Each time I asked, I received nothing but a blank and silent stare.  

How can we pretend to have a sense of who we are and what we are about if we cannot even define what it is that we believe in?  Break it down for yourself right now.  What do you believe in?  Break it down to its most basic component.  For example, I believe in God.  I believe in God because of his complete sense of liberty.  Therefore I believe in liberty.  Now, that is not meant to simplify my relationship with God or my faith, but rather provide me with a sense of something I can stand up for.  Though someone may be able to argue the existence of God with me, they will never be able to argue the existence of liberty, because it is a fundamental sense that is within the human spirit.

Belief, then, provides the bedrock that the rest of our lives may be built on.  With a belief defined in our lives we are then at liberty to explore what that means to us and for us, both on an individual basis as well as on a grander scale.  What is to be done next though?  Next comes action.  Belief is listed in the dictionary as a noun, but it is most definitely a word of action.  You cannot believe in something without taking action on it.  If you are not compelled to move, shout, sprint, cry, laugh, or die over what you have decided you believe in, then you do not believe in it at all.  

Am I saying take a militant stance and purvey what you believe in to the rest of the world?  Certainly not!  That would be breaking that elementary concept behind the Bill of Rights, would it not?  Others must come before you.  Other’s beliefs?  No, but other’s right to believe.  Do not waste your time fighting against what others believe, but rather expend you energy wisely fighting for what you believe.  There is no greater fight.

It is this fight that will restore you confidence, for no one knows more about what and why you believe in what you believe in better than yourself.  It will also empower you to take control of what is rightfully, by law as well as by nature, yours.  Seize the day!  No longer are you under the oppression of the Republicans or the Democrats, you can vote for whom ever you want!  Never settle, this is our land, we are the government and though it may feel like we are powerless, that is a lie waiting to be exposed.  Though I would like to expose it for you, I cannot.  You must figure that out on your own.

Huzzah!

Hello my new blogging community!  When Cary suggested this I got super excited.  I have never been a part of a serious blog.  True, I did xanga with the best of them, but it was a life that I never truly lived, though in many ways I wish I had.  

Now, though, I have the opportunity to share the true Jonathan with you all.  I'm very excited to reveal my hopes, fears, dreams, poems, prayers, promises, and beliefs with everyone.  Feel free to comment on anything I post.  Agree or disagree, I'm anxious to get everyone's take on my life.  

Sometimes my posts will be philosophical, other time religious, other time political, and still others will be emotional.  I hope everyone will get out of it as much as I hope to.  Until later then.  Rock on!